no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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