They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
