Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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