I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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