I swear she didn't look like that last week.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
