Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
