I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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