if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
