i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
