what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
NoShamevember. You game?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
