Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dick very happy bro
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
