you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize