It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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