carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
