Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
