Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
