So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
