Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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