The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
