I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
