So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
