just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry about my life...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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