Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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