I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
