im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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