At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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