Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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