Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
