They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
