Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
