and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I love you.
Bad choice
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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