dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
