just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
