Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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