he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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