he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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