i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
