You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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