fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize