I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
