Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
