I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
