Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize