I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
