just come out here and I will go home with you...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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