This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if only i could text you this smell
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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