I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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