Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
