Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
