look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
