Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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