WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
