Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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