Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
