My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
