Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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