she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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