i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize