I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
