you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
