ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
