it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
