I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
