1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
