I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Randomize
